How do you make a child more compassionate?
I think compassion comes much easier for some people than others. For many, it is an innate quality. For instance, I’m naturally compassionate toward the elderly. I just have a soft spot for them, and always have. I also am a highly sensitive person in general and can’t even watch the news without getting upset. (I was pretty much a soggy faced mess throughout each of my pregnancies!)
However, until I had a child with developmental delays, another child with anxiety, and another kid who has a will of IRON, I did not have empathy towards moms in similar situations. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it just wasn’t even ON my radar.
But now, you better believe that I feel for that mom who is exhausted from having to cart her kid around to therapy, or for the mom whose child’s anxiety manifests as anger (and always in public), or for the mom at the grocery store whose toddler is having an EPIC meltdown. I have grown in my empathy for these moms due to MY OWN life experiences. It has been cultivated in me.
Our kids are young and have limited life experiences. Some will naturally be a little more compassionate, and some don’t seem to have an ounce of compassion about them. But there ARE things we can do to cultivate this important quality of compassion in our kids.
Like soil that needs to be tilled for planting, we can provide experiences to till our child’s ability to grow in compassion.
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STORIES
Books have a way of transporting us to other places and also give us windows into the lives of people whose life circumstances are different than our own. Reading aloud together creates great opportunities for discussion about what life may be like for others different than ourselves, in an unforced, organic way.
Two of our most recent read-aloud books are great examples of this. We listened to the Audiobook Crenshaw which was about a 5th grade boy whose family was under great financial hardship and was even homeless for a time. And our most recent read-aloud – In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson, we were introduced to Shirley Temple Wong, a Chinese Immigrant girl who is new to the country and learning a new language and culture.
Since my kids have never been homeless or the new kid in another country, this allowed them to have a small taste of what this might be like. Both of these books led to great conversations and helped us see things from a unique perspective.
I believe books are a powerful tool to cultivate compassion in our kids.
SERVING OPPORTUNITIES
Last week, we had two opportunities to serve others. We played BINGO at a local Nursing Home and also served some homeless families dinner at our church one night. I believe serving others is probably the best antidote to selfishness, and another great tool for cultivating compassion.
This one may not be as “easy” to implement depending on the age or temperaments of your kids. So, if the thought of getting your family out of the house to serve right now seems like an altogether insurmountable task (I get it, I’ve been there!), here are a few other ideas:
- Write letters to family members that live alone or can’t leave their dwelling.
- Send letters/care packages to people serving in the military.
- Make a meal for someone going through a tough time.
Those are just a few ideas, obviously. Opportunities abound!
CREATE A CULTURE OF COMPASSION IN Your Home
I think the way we view others and talk about them is probably one of the biggest ways to teach our kids compassion. After all, “more is caught than taught.”
How do we talk about others? Are we quick to judge, or do we point out that there might be more going on under the surface?
I see this quote occasionally pop on Facebook and I LOVE it:
“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
Acknowledge that we don’t always know what’s going on in people’s lives, and kindness and compassion are always important.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” Colossians 3:12
Finally, we can and should remind our kids DAILY of God’s grace to us and His work in us, and extend that same grace to others as well.
Would love to hear from you! What do you with your children to cultivate compassion?
